“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”
~Kenji Miyazawa
Thursday's Think Tank from Poet's United
The idea or concept of pain can cover a vast field of thoughts and emotions. We must confront pain no matter how simple or hard it is. This week write about whatever pains you.
Swallowing your poison seed
I understand the infestation
won't take too long
before it goes
from my helpless nerve endings
driven into the core of my brittle bones
And then up into
my defenseless cerebral cortex.
Deep inside my innermost membrane,
your kernal of malice
is bured under a decade-old compost pile
of rotting fear and insecurity
Adding silence,
hatred blooms triumphant.
15 comments:
I believe there is another kernal buried deep within....moisten it with tears and let it germinate. There is the defenseless and real you!
Wow, powerful words.
Hello, Templeton's Fury. I found you following my blog. Lovely to meet another recovering poet, or poet in recovery, who's comfortable in a psychiatric setting. I like your sanctuary poem. I also like this one. It has fine bones.
The teacher in me wants to share with you a poetic tool given to me by one of my professors. It has put a sharper edge on my work.
The tool is this: Limit yourself to only a few NECESSARY adjectives in a poem. After the first draft is done and the poem's on the page, go back with a knife and delete the unessential adjectives, asking yourself, "Does this word profoundly add to my poem?" If the answer's NO, out it goes. If you use strong, active, powerful verbs, you often won't need the clutter of many adjectives.
Here's your poem, with its good bones, edited that way:
Swallowing your poison seed
I understand the infestation
won't take too long
before it creeps
from my nerve endings
into the core of my bones
and up into my cerebral cortex.
There, in my innermost membrane,
your kernel of malice
is buried under a decade-old compost pile
of rotting fear and insecurity.
Adding silence,
hatred blooms triumphant.
Same poem, much tighter. The inactive verb "goes" is replaced by a menacing active verb, "creeps," and gone are the helpless, brittle, defenseless adjectives that don't contribute anything important to your word painting. The sinister quality of the infestation remains, may even be a little bit stronger.
You have talent, and like recovery, it will grow as you work it.
A wonderful response to the prompt! A very powerful piece!
-Weasel =)
Love this and excellent response to the prompt. Thanks for sharing.
Strength emanates from your words. Well done.
~Brenda
This is so powerful and full of strength and truth! Silence can grow more pain like a mad gardener. Thank you for sharing this with us.
:-)
Very powerful words. [Can't say I disagree with Enchanted Oak's suggestion, but I am grabbed by the poem both ways.]
Oh, this is truly painful and strong work!
A wonderful description of the power of hurt.
VERY powerful! I so admire the work you do in your capacity as teacher of wounded adolescents. Very important work. Am glad you are sharing poetry with your students-it's the stuff of life that sings and zings!
I like this - I have written poems similar to the tone of this one that give some people a scare or at least a look at me like I am crazy. The latter is true, but I'm harmless... and a friend of Bill's, although I keep those poems elsewhere. Can't wait to read more from you.
Amazing, you post really touches the truth of pain. A kernel, a seed and how hatred grows...
Your words are selectively brilliant~
Amazingly written...indeed very touching! Loved your blog..following you!
breath taking piece.
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