Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Parasite of Pain

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

~Kenji Miyazawa


          Thursday's Think Tank from Poet's United
          The idea or concept of pain can cover a vast field of thoughts and emotions. We must confront pain no matter how simple or hard it is. This week write about whatever pains you.

                                                    
Swallowing your poison seed
I understand the infestation
won't take too long
before it goes
from my helpless nerve endings
driven into the core of my brittle bones
And then up into
my defenseless cerebral cortex.
Deep inside my innermost membrane,
your kernal of malice
is bured under a decade-old compost pile
of rotting fear and insecurity
Adding silence,
hatred blooms triumphant.

16 comments:

transparentnow? said...

I believe there is another kernal buried deep within....moisten it with tears and let it germinate. There is the defenseless and real you!

Paul Andrew Russell said...

Wow, powerful words.

Enchanted Oak said...

Hello, Templeton's Fury. I found you following my blog. Lovely to meet another recovering poet, or poet in recovery, who's comfortable in a psychiatric setting. I like your sanctuary poem. I also like this one. It has fine bones.

The teacher in me wants to share with you a poetic tool given to me by one of my professors. It has put a sharper edge on my work.
The tool is this: Limit yourself to only a few NECESSARY adjectives in a poem. After the first draft is done and the poem's on the page, go back with a knife and delete the unessential adjectives, asking yourself, "Does this word profoundly add to my poem?" If the answer's NO, out it goes. If you use strong, active, powerful verbs, you often won't need the clutter of many adjectives.
Here's your poem, with its good bones, edited that way:

Swallowing your poison seed
I understand the infestation
won't take too long
before it creeps
from my nerve endings
into the core of my bones
and up into my cerebral cortex.
There, in my innermost membrane,
your kernel of malice
is buried under a decade-old compost pile
of rotting fear and insecurity.
Adding silence,
hatred blooms triumphant.

Same poem, much tighter. The inactive verb "goes" is replaced by a menacing active verb, "creeps," and gone are the helpless, brittle, defenseless adjectives that don't contribute anything important to your word painting. The sinister quality of the infestation remains, may even be a little bit stronger.
You have talent, and like recovery, it will grow as you work it.

Systematic Weasel said...

A wonderful response to the prompt! A very powerful piece!

-Weasel =)

Just Me said...

Love this and excellent response to the prompt. Thanks for sharing.

brenda w said...

Strength emanates from your words. Well done.
~Brenda

Carrie Burtt said...

This is so powerful and full of strength and truth! Silence can grow more pain like a mad gardener. Thank you for sharing this with us.
:-)

Francisca said...

Very powerful words. [Can't say I disagree with Enchanted Oak's suggestion, but I am grabbed by the poem both ways.]

Mary said...

Oh, this is truly painful and strong work!

Carina said...

A wonderful description of the power of hurt.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

VERY powerful! I so admire the work you do in your capacity as teacher of wounded adolescents. Very important work. Am glad you are sharing poetry with your students-it's the stuff of life that sings and zings!

she said...

I like this - I have written poems similar to the tone of this one that give some people a scare or at least a look at me like I am crazy. The latter is true, but I'm harmless... and a friend of Bill's, although I keep those poems elsewhere. Can't wait to read more from you.

Ellie said...

Amazing, you post really touches the truth of pain. A kernel, a seed and how hatred grows...

Your words are selectively brilliant~

Anahita said...

Amazingly written...indeed very touching! Loved your blog..following you!

Jingle said...

breath taking piece.

Jingle said...

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I invite you to our Monday Poetry Potluck Party,
We have other features such as poem of the week, poetry blog of the week, and poet of the week, plus Sunday poetry news dispatch, if you attend our Monday Party, there is a chance that you poetry or you as a promising poet are represented by one of our officials, and your talent will be highlighted or exposed to wider audience,

No specific rules, simply linking in 1 to 3 poems, it could be an old poem, let us read and comment for you. Feel free tasting other poetry treats, all enjoyable experience…

http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/2010/09/poetry-potluck-big-bang.html

Click on the link, you will see a blue button, click on the blue button, you will see three boxes, your specific poem link to be placed in first, then your name or blog name, then your email connected to your blog….

Happy Monday!
Let the fun begin!
Cheers!