*for Sizzle, who encouraged me to wear pink
In a heartbeat,
a heartbeat stops.
How the road must have been enclosed
in a snowy silence
and all of nature frozen, confused
by the sound of destruction
and screaming of metal.
Afterward.
Somehow "instantaneously"
brings me no comfort.
Surely you were a fighter--
You lingered the span of lifetimes,
if only for a split second.
Physical pain didn't scare you.
And if it did, you walked through it.
You believed
it was temporary.
I didn't know until today
that you were, too.
In peaceful moments,
I picture you in those last few seconds
Your ears filled with the sound of
"Boogie Shoes" or Liz Phair or Stevie Nicks,
"Boogie Shoes" or Liz Phair or Stevie Nicks,
singing to an audience of birds and the trees...
But most of the time,
I picture you powerless
trapped in a cage of steel
hurdling towards death--
a place of excruciating silence.
Everyone says it was a blessing
that you died clean.
They say that 11 years is a miracle.
Messages of comfort bring me anger.
Right now, all i know
is that
you are gone.