Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A Conversation

I didn't know that what she was about to say would change everything.
I had come here with a idyllic dream in my head and a foolhardy song on my lips.
The humid August air suffocated us both, wrapping us up in cottony silence.
The cicadas buzzed all around us and that night everything, including my demeanor, was damp.
Making my way up the porch I saw her for what she was--a young girl, attempting to wear the new aspects of her womanly shape with confidence.  Her innocence always managed to shine through, and i could see underneath the ten year old girl that i used to chase through the meadows.
"I'm sorry," she warbled suddenly,"It's done."
The only noise was the wind blowing through the porch floorboards, and the toads chirping in condolence.

This was written for Magpie Tales.  I wanted to express a feeling without giving the specifics of the situation, allowing the reader to speculate at the backstory behind the dialogue.  What did you imagine?


Marbles in My Pocket said...

I could swear I've seen this, but as there are no comments, I guess not. What I see is a hot summer night beneath the porchlight in 1966. Vividly!

Everyday Goddess said...

Sometimes we grow up and apart?

Or maybe she gave the flower of her youth away to someone else?

I like the mystery, nice Magpie.

Jamie said...

I see a late teens couple---boy and girl, that have been in a "relationship" for all of their teen years, now over. She is afraid of the future, he begins to mourn the past.

Wonderful writing.


Melissa said...

I love the imagery in your piece.

The Cello Strings said...


Erratic Thoughts said...

Mystery is interesting...
My guess...

"I'm sorry".."It's done".."Their divorce is final"..."The couple next door...and so you lost the bet.It didn't last even for a year..So I win and we go to Vegas"

Far-fetched one but that's what came to my mind first thing when I read the mystery dialogue :D

Doctor FTSE said...

I read your footnote. Allowing the reader to speculate can be the very best way to write. "She warbled suddenly" sounds not quite right in the tone of the rest of the piece.

Avril Joy said...

I imagined a love affair ending in sadness - I felt it was something serious - perhaps her decision not to have a child but to have a termination -perhaps her decision to leave.

Just wnat to say I spent twnety five years teaching and working in awomens prison and I know all about hiding scissors

A Heron's View said...

I have seen this on another blog
which begs the question of who is copying who here ?
However to your question it looks like a bit of old fashioned courting is going on!
Not that it has ever gone out of fashion :)

Steve Isaak said...

Detail-intense, solid goodbye romance write - effective.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I love this piece, both the detail and the mystery.

At first I thought, like most, that it was a teenage romance. Later it occurred to me to wonder if it was a parent and daughter. A mother, I thought specifically.

The 'It's done' remains mysterious.

Helen said...

I imagined her telling him she had been accepted at a university far away from their hometown .... signaling the end of the relationship.

thingy said...

Aaw, the end of Summer dreams.

"... the wind blowing through the porch floorboards,..."

Terrific line.